Heart

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Matthew 22:37; Romans 15:6)

At first glance, Colleen Sullivan Clapper appears to be a beautiful, self-assured woman. Yet, though it is true that she is all of that, the cover of a book can only show a glimpse of the story inside.

Colleen’s story is one of tenacity, audacity and veracity, all wrapped together in a package of courage and strength; of grace in adversity’s face. Her life has been filled with what has been one challenge after another; yet, she is upbeat, choosing to see the contents of her life as full instead of empty. For it is, as broken vessels, that the Lord can flow more freely through the cracks and breaks, and whatever it takes, using our lives to fill others with his loving kindness. This is what Colleen chooses to do.

In the morning when I rise, Give me Jesus

It’s called Real and Raw Ministries, a ministry she began in 2009. The name is bold, and this is what she says about it: “Jesus sat with prostitutes, reached out to

lepers and associated with tax collectors. He was REAL with people. His love was and is a RAW view of how the father loves each of us, no matter who we are. He loved ‘the least of these’ and that is the model for Real and Raw Ministries.”

Colleen ministers through many different venues, including speaking engagements, worship and prayer retreats, training seminars, and church services. Her Next Generation Training involves the discipleship of youth - introducing them to their God given gifts and showing them how to use these gifts within their community.

This is her passion, her life’s work; and it has evolved out of her own life’s pain. Born with Scimitar Syndrome, a rare congenital heart defect, Colleen’s heart is in a different location. Those who know Colleen well, however, would probably say that Colleen’s heart is exactly where it needs to be.

When I am alone, Give me Jesus

Colleen knows what it means to feel alone when experiencing great pain.

In 1991, Colleen and her husband Jim lost their first child. Elizabeth Christine Clapper was born at 1:00 P.M. on Monday, November 19, 1990. The name ‘Elizabeth’ means ‘gracious gift from God.’

She was born with DiGeorge Syndrome, a rare immune system disorder, which involves various congenital complications, including a rare combination of severe heart and lung malformations.

The joy of new birth was quickly doused by the fear of uncertainty. During the first hours of her life, instead of holding her in their arms, they listened as the specialists explained things like Tetralogy of Fallot and Absent Pulmonary Valve Syndrome, and watched, helplessly, as their first child lay in the PICU, covered in monitors and wires, the sound of buzzing machines filling the air.

In her short life, Elizabeth endured multiple open-heart surgeries, blood transfusions and other medical procedures. In her book, The Raindrops on the Windshield Sound like Popcorn, Colleen writes about Elizabeth’s last moments of life:

“It (had) become obvious that despite the heroic efforts of the doctors and nurses, Elizabeth wasn’t going to make it. It was just a matter of time. Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it races by so fast that you wonder where it has gone. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but when you are waiting for your baby to go to heaven, the pain can be so overwhelming that your only defense is numbness…

The doctors and nurses who had become second family to us surrounded us as I rocked Elizabeth in a chair. Jim stood right behind me and read the Bible to her. The doctor and nurse slowly took out the breathing tube and IVs as I cradled her. This was the first time in four months that I had held her with no wires or tubes. I saw her little tongue moving—an image that to this day both calms and haunts me.

The moments ticked by, and death hung in the air. The monitor flat-lined, the tone went steady, and Elizabeth slowly slipped away. The pain I felt was so intense, and yet there was a peace, too. I knew that she was going to see His face. I knew that for her there would be no more tears and no more pain, and for that I was relieved. She was going to be cradled in the same loving arms of My Father, who also held me during this time.

And just like that, her spirit was gone. Elizabeth had been promoted to heaven.” [1] It was April 1, 1991. Elizabeth Christine Clapper had lived on this earth for 133 days, leaving a lasting and profound impression on those who knew her.

When I come to die, Give me Jesus

Colleen, herself, has daily experienced the prospects of death.

Because of Scimitar Syndrome, Colleen’s heart is on the wrong side. She has an inverted pulmonary vein, which means that the oxygenated blood re-circulat

es back into the heart instead of going to the rest of her body.

In addition to her heart, Colleen's lungs are deformed and they function at 40% capacity. Through the years, she has gone into respiratory distress so many time that she has lost count. Her visits to the emergency room have been so numerous that the doctors and nurses have become her friends.

Recently, it was discovered that the joints at the base of her skull and an artery close to her brain stem are also deformed and contribute to constant pressure on the brain stem. As a result of this abnormality, she has seizures that temporarily act like Parkinson’s disease and she shakes uncontrollably.

She has mini-strokes that have been known to leave her with the inability to walk or talk. In addition, she has drop seizures (or Atonic Seizures); the left side of her body becomes paralyzed and she drops to the ground.

She daily lives with the reality of death, and, though she is a realist and has her funeral planned for its inevitability, she chooses to dwell on the gift of life that God gives her each and every day.

She was not supposed to live past the age of 30. She has seen numerous specialists and they have all said that they have never seen anything like this before. She is a living anomaly, a walking miracle.

So, is it any wonder that Colleen believes that the Lord has kept her here on this earth for a purpose?

You can have all this world, give me Jesus.

These are only some of the many hurdles that she and her family have had to overcome through the years. Among other things, there have been more family health issues and even a tragic accident involving her two grandmothers, mother and aunt. Her grandmother Heron died shortly after the crash.

How can one say that they are truly blessed when their life sometimes seems a mess? How can one feel a sense of gain when they have experienced incredible pain?

“In this world where most people have stopped looking for miracles, I have always found hope through the miracle of rainbows,” she writes. “For me, they are not just the things of fairy tales or pots of gold, but very real, physical reminders of God’s presence in my life…

I have experienced the death of a child, a life-threatening illness, a fatal family accident, and hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical debt. If you had told me ahead of time that such trials were coming my way, I would have told you I could not have made it through them all….Yet, through it all, His grace has been more than sufficient.

It takes both sun and rain to make a rainbow. To take it a step further, it is the Son, Jesus Christ, being the light through the hard times that creates a spectrum, (a rainbow) of hope, love, joy, peace, faith and blessing in our lives. The colors have been brilliant, and I have been truly blessed.” [2]

So she chooses to be REAL, sharing the dirt and grime that is her life in hopes that others can know His amazing grace. She chooses to be RAW, showing her scars for all to see, that they might see His face.

And, through it all, she does her part, with an abounding love and a steadfast heart.

(She) will have no fear of bad news; (her) heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. (Psalm 112:7)

[1] Colleen Sullivan Clapper, The Raindrops on the Windshield Sound like Popcorn (Enumclaw, WA: Winepress Publishing, 2009) p. 28-29

[2] Colleen Sullivan Clapper, The Raindrops on the Windshield Sound like Popcorn (Enumclaw, WA: Winepress Publishing, 2009) Introduction

Colleen is a Contributing Writer for jazzed4life eSentialz, as well as the founder of Real and Raw Ministries. If you would like to communicate with, pray for or support Colleen, go to:

* http://www.colleenclapper.com