Real and Raw Insights -or- Life Sometimes Stinks

by Colleen Clapper

Once again I am up in the middle of the night and have been for hours, with overall pain. It feels like I have a bad case of the flu. Add on another asthma attack, small seizures and nausea and I am not a happy camper. (I suffer from a malady called Scimitar Syndrome, among other things. [Read my story called Heart.]) My 42 year old body feels like 102 sometimes. So, what I am about to write is not about pity...I don't do well with that.

So, since my ministry is called "Real and Raw", I thought I would be real and raw here.  There are many times that I struggle with my faith. There are even more moments when I have "told" God, in no uncertain terms, "Excuse me, I do not like this situation - so can we negotiate on this or can these circumstances change?!"

I noticed, however, that when I ask God if He is really there...that the fact that I am actually asking Him that question means that, deep down I know without a doubt that He is there. 

There are times that I wonder why my prayers aren't answered for others or for myself. Tonight, I was wondering why He can't just take away the pain. He split a sea in two so I know that He can heal my splitting headache. 

As I was contemplating these facts while lying on the couch, (I didn't want to wake my husband, Jim, with my tossing and turning and Darth Vader breathing...even though he NEVER complains), I was "arguing" with God about how He can work miracles and what purpose does it serve for me to be in pain every night and wake up exhausted. The only response I had to my argument was that, perhaps my experience with pain through the years, whether it was physical, emotional or spiritual, might give me more insight on how to have compassion for others!

Then my mind wondered to Jesus at Gethsemane. I can't fathom the pain He endured and He even asked if "this cup could pass". Hmmm... It was then I realized that He understands my pain way more than I will ever know His. 

So here's the deal:

1) I don't like being in pain... I am used to it and can handle it, but it gets rather tiring on a daily basis; and it's very frustrating that it gets worse at night.

2) Though I don't like pain at all, the experience of pain has actually given me the ability to understand more of what others may go through and how I can intercede on their behalf. 

3) This realization humbles me and I need humbling... because I know that there is not a day that goes by, that I am not alive without His grace...my doctors can attest to that. 

4) Because of this, I have learned to appreciate life... I sincerely think of how each day can be my last and that, no matter how bad it gets, there are always blessings to be found. (I wouldn't want my "last" day on earth to be all about me grumbling, and not enjoying the good things that He has provided.)

5) When I really think about it, I know that I am very blessed with many things that more than outnumber the trials. 

I am far from perfect in my faith and I know that He has had to be very patient with me! I also know that, even when I don't think I can grab His hand, or am being too stubborn about it, He is always willing to grab mine and He never lets me go.

"Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with my [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice." Isaiah 41:10

2010©Colleen Sullivan Clapper

nSightz #80

Colleen Sullivan Clapper is a Writer an Speaker and is the Founder of Real and Raw Ministries, a networking organization that unites Christians from every denomination and backgrounds, creating venues through which the body of Christ can more effectively reach the unreached. Colleen is a Contributing Writer for jazzed4life eSentialz. If you would like to communicate with, pray for or support Colleen, go to http://colleenclapper.com